tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18815523015985693642024-03-13T13:21:55.375-07:0030 Year Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse: Making Sense of It AllNo one understands a victim of narcissism like someone who has been there....this blog is to provide information and encouragement to those suffering as victims of narcissistic abuse. There IS life after narcissism!!deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.comBlogger152125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-2234561182488040072019-01-31T09:21:00.001-08:002019-01-31T09:21:06.751-08:00Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coach - FREE SEAT IN NEXT CLASS<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-STu1LinvZ2s/XFMubrRVdJI/AAAAAAAABwk/EM7cdMxws2Q508a7NIBniAOyNy1ehStxgCLcBGAs/s1600/michele02.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="894" data-original-width="464" height="200" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-STu1LinvZ2s/XFMubrRVdJI/AAAAAAAABwk/EM7cdMxws2Q508a7NIBniAOyNy1ehStxgCLcBGAs/s200/michele02.png" width="103" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">FREE GIVEAWAY DURING MONDAY'S PREMIER!!!!!!! VALUED AT $1,200.00 </span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"> <a href="https://micheleleenieves.com/">https://micheleleenieves.com/</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As a thank you to those that have supported my healing journey I have a
gift!!!!!
Some of you are aware that not only do I offer face to face life
coaching for victims of narcissistic abuse -but I also now have a
certification course to train Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Coaches. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">There
is such a need to help those still stuck in the web of emotional
manipulation.
This is a 6 month online course that takes place with the zoom app - the
current course was full of people all over the world from Croatia,
Philippines, Argentina, Mexico and the U.S. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">My channel alone has had over 10 million views, imagine the combination
of views of all the channels dedicated to helping victims of N.A. -
there is a need for people who 'get it'.
For more information about the course please see my website: <a class="yt-simple-endpoint style-scope yt-formatted-string" href="https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=backstage_event&q=https%3A%2F%2Fmicheleleenieves.com%2Fnarcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification%2F&redir_token=aLcX8I5BilGhAQuTRNk1HrxxmDF8MTU0OTA0MTI0MkAxNTQ4OTU0ODQy" rel="nofollow" spellcheck="false">https://micheleleenieves.com/narcissi...</a> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">AS A THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT I AM GIVING AWAY 2 SEATS IN THE NEXT
CLASS COMPLETELY FREE.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"> If you have already taken strides on your own healing journey and you
have the desire to help others and think that life coaching would be
for you - make sure to be at the premier and even if you can't stay -
express a desire for being in the class and please email me your story,
your why this would be for you to micheleleenieves@gmail.com and I look
forward to giving this gift away!!!!!!!!!</span>deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-64600161959255543932018-12-15T20:21:00.001-08:002018-12-16T10:57:36.658-08:00Narcissists Hate Holidays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-f5RgMyU9QVU/XBXGBJ0xMyI/AAAAAAAABvU/k7LkCb5zJoIG5MV5ts3JBi2ZuiYb9HVVACLcBGAs/s1600/poison.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="205" data-original-width="246" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-f5RgMyU9QVU/XBXGBJ0xMyI/AAAAAAAABvU/k7LkCb5zJoIG5MV5ts3JBi2ZuiYb9HVVACLcBGAs/s1600/poison.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">When Gifts Are Synonymous With Poison: </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It's very difficult to wrap your mind around the fact that the significan other, parent, family member or close friend of yours purposely wants to harm you and/or destroy you (preferably the latter, if we are being honest with each other). After all, most relationships that are rocky, combative, and dysfunctional - want what's best for the other even if they may not always know the best way to show it.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Holidays, anniversaries and vacations are all proof that both parties are capable of putting their differences aside for special events that mean something - yes, they are willing to put their ego aside for something far more important - for those milestones, those sentimental values that bring even the most incompatible families together.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">That is - as long as none of those family members are malignant narcissists.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Malignant narcissists can never put their ego aside, not for anything special - not a celebration, a vacation or even a cremation</b> - it doesn't matter the event or how special or sacred or sad that event is to the family of the malignant narcisisst - they view it as one thing and one thing only - an opportunity to extract narcissistic supply.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />Why do they need to do this at important or special events or times of the year? </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Once we know why they cannot put their ego aside for anything - we can let go of hoping that one day, one year, one special event or another - they might, just might, allow you to enjoy or at least allow you to give your attention to something or someone other than them. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Narcissists hate when people are able to feel or have things that they themselves are incapable of feeling or having</b>. Close connections with family, bonds of love, acts of kindness, a sincere display of generosity, the desire to truly make another person happy - those are just some of the things a narcissist is incapable of, to mention a few. To see their own family indulge in such things provokes pathological jealousy - and jealousy is according to the bible "rottenness to the bones." Proverbs 14:30.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So the narcisisst is like a toddler, who sees another child having fun without him/her; or sees another child with a toy that h/she does not have - toddlers react with frustration and anger. I remember my daughter at 3 years old getting upset with her twin cousins for playing together and not including her. Well, she took her barbie doll and bopped it on one of her cousins heads. We tease her now and laugh about it becuase for a three year old - that kind of behavior is common. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">It's not funny however, when it's a grown adult acting like that. It is so difficult to understand that narcissists intentionally try to 'bop you on the head' or hurt you, simply because you are enjoying something that they cannot take credit for nor experience themselves.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Malignant narcisists have a bag of tricks - they don't all act the exact same way during special occasions, but their underlying motive is the same. Some will rage and have their family walking on eggshells all the way up to the start of the event, when they will suddenly become happy and calm and point the finger at you for being so miserable. Talk about crazy making.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Others will simply refuse to participate - they will never give you a gift (not one that you really want anyway) they will act bored, or criticize every thing you do to make the event special, but they will do it as if they are "helping you" or trying to help you to make it "better." Regardless, the effect of their lack of love and personal interest is like drinking the coke without the fizz, when it is flat - it's drinkable but there's certainly not an ounce of enjoyment in it.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Another reason narcissists hate holidays is due to their self entitlement.</b> They are entitled to govern their feelings and moods (as well as the feelings and moods of their family) so how dare a holiday, or special event - how dare it dictate or obligate them to feel something specific. Nobody tells a narcissist how to feel!!! What makes it confusing to their family is that they will 'pretend' around others or in public and until you realize you are dealing with a person with a personality disorder - this is extremely confusing. Narcissists love to use gaslighting to make you think you are crazy for being the only person to view them in a certain light, after all no one else thinks they hate celebrations or special events. </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">So yes, narcissists are the only people that enjoy serving poison as a gift; they enjoy holding happiness at arms length and raising it each time you jump higher to try to obtain it. Narcissists enjoy getting your hopes up, so that they can pop it like a balloon and watch you deflate emotionally. Narcissists especially enjoy when other family members think that it's you that has the personality problem, you that is causing the unhappiness at these special occasions, you that is destroying the family. When malignant narcissists achieve any of these things - they are filling themselves of their drug of choice - narcissistic supply.</span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">YOU CAN HAVE HAPPINESS DURING SPECIAL EVENTS IF YOU DO THE FOLLOWING: </span></b></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">1) Recognize that your happiness is not dependant on their happiness. If they hate anniversaries - celebrate a "family day" with your children. If you don't have children, buy yourself something that would allow you to feel loved and beautiful and special. The narcisissist wants you to think you can only feel those things if h/she give them to you - but that's a lie. You CAN generate a self-love and self-respect that is truly empowering!!!</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">2) If you live with the malignant narcissist and cannot get away on special events, invite people - friends from work, parents and families of your childrens friends, neighboors - people that you feel good around. You may have to use reverse psychology and act as if they invited themselves, or that you felt you couldn't get out of it - or if there is a way to make the malignant narcissist feel as if they are benefiting in some way to this unexpected change - regardless, narcissists love to perform and if you are dealing with a covert narcissist, at least the presence of others will have them on their best behavior!!! Use what you know to your advantage as opposed to disadvantage.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">3) Be willing to say NO!! If you are invited to a friend or families house where you are accustomed to going, yet getting abused - you are allowed to say no, you are allowed to have boundaries. The narcissistic family member will make you feel guilty or fearful of what others in the family are thinking - but truth be told - narcissistic family members ALWAYS talk bad about you behind your back anyway. However, by not allowing yourself to be in a position of getting abused, you are loving yourself and cutting off their narcissistic supply.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">4) Know what makes you happy and be willing to give it to yourself. I was speaking recently with someone that I was coaching, and when I asked her what she would like to do, what she would enjoy taking place during a special event where the narcissists in her life consistently attempted to hurt her - she said " I would love to go dancing, the way I used to in the past." Knowing what you would love is the first step - being willing to give it to yourself will provide you with a deep sense of inner love that has the ability to help us to feel alive, passionate, loved and empowered.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">5) Use the past to help you avoid falling prey to the traps. Ask yourself the following questions: What was done in the past to stamp out your happiness? What did you learn from those events? How can you use that knowledge to help you to avoid falling prey to the same toxic behavior? When you find the answers - trust your gut. Your gut instinct will never send you in the wrong direction - we only wind up in the wrong direction when we choose to ignore that voice within.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-size: large;"><u><i><b>Let's make 2019 a shifting year - a year we shift out from under the power of toxic people, shifting into empowered, confident souls that embrace the happiness that was denied by people who had no right to deny it from us in the first place!!!!</b></i></u></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">.</span> </span></span>deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-57512204593226737232018-11-29T07:45:00.002-08:002018-11-29T07:45:49.900-08:00Narcissistic Abuse Causes Brain Damage?<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">If someone strikes you - they are being physically abusive. If someone screams obsenities at you while foaming at the mouth - they are verbally abusive. If someone purposely forces you to live in poverty, on a stipend of barely existing - they are financially abusive - among other things.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;"> There are some forms of abuse that are so easy to notice - while others are often like carbon monoxide - odorless, tasteless, flying under the radar yet deadly.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Narcissistic abuse is one of the worst types of psychological abuse that one person can do
to another, not only are they creating emotional damage with scars that run deeper than most can imagine, but on top of it - it can be considered physical abuse because of the brain damage that victims of narcissistic abuse undergo.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Has your brain been affected by this brain damage?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Did you at one time in your life have a great memory, and now have difficulty remembering things that happened just yesterday or last week?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Were you extremely intelligent, yet now find learning new things quite difficult?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Have you gone from being a a happy, passionate person to one that feels as if you are existing rather than living, with no enjoyment in life?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Have you gone from a calm demeanor to one stuck in anxiety?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Are you easily triggered and thrown into fight, flight, fear or fawn?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Are you developing out of control fears that are creating anxieties and phobias in your every day life?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">If you answered yes to the questions above, there is a good chance that due to narcissistic abuse you have experienced damage to your brain - two specific areas of the brain - the hippocampus and the amygdala.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Yes, the emotional and psychological distress of being in a long term relationship with a person that cares very little about your well being; with a person who enjoys destroying your well being, better yet -is only the surface damage that is being experienced.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">However, there is a physical aspect of brain damage involved - when a person is suffering consistent, coercive, emotional abuse - victims experience a shrinking of the hippocampus and a swelling of the amygdala; both cause devastating effects. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The hippocampus is vital to our learning and developijnjg memories. Many victims of narcissistic abuse claim that their abilitiy to remember is not what it used to be. Hippocampus is the greek word for "seahorse" and it's the part of the brain hidden inside each temporal lobe, shaped distinctly like two seahorses. One of it's most important functions is that it's responsible for our short-term memory, which is vital to learning. Information first gets stored in short-term memory before it can be converted to permanent memory - without this part of the brain working - we are unable to learn and store new information. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Not only is our memory affected by the shrinking of the hippocampus, but there is a strict correlation between high levels of cortisol (a hormone caused by stress) and the shrinking of the hippocampus.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">As the hippocampus shrinks, another part of the brain is affected by the emotional abuse, the amygdala does the opposite - it grows in size.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The amygdala is where negative emotions like shame, guilt, fear, and envy come to life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The amygdala controls our primal emotions and functions such as fear, hate as well as regulating our heart rate and breathing. When triggered, the amygdala is where our trauma response get activated - fight, flight, freeze, fawn. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">Narcissists never allow their victims to relax, rather they keep them in a heightened state of anxiety where their amygdala is constantly on alert. When this trauma response becomes our everyday mental state of mind, eventually victims are stuck in a permanent state of anxiety or fear, with the amygdala hypervigilant to the slightest signs of abuse.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The sad part is, even after escaping destructive relationships, victims suffer with phobias, panic attacks, C-PTSD all due to the enlarged amygdala</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The narcissists create an external cycle of abuse by their push and pull, intermittent love and hate - and the abuse cycle is mirrored within our own bodies. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">The body releases cortisol when under stress, the cortisol damages the hippocampus thereby shrinking it by attacking the neurons in the hippocampus. The amygdala is stimulated by the cortisol, with turns our thoughts and nerual activity from increasing mental acuity to worrying and stressing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">When this is done over and over, repeatedly, our brain activity is pushed "beyone its zones of effectiveness."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "calibri light" , sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt;">For those that reason - "The abuse is not constant or it's not so bad, others have it worse." - Remember, extended durations of average stress can be just as damaging if not
worse than short-term extreme stress. Even if a narcissistic abuser never takes
it “too far”, it could definitely still be causing destruction to your brain. </span></div>
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deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-35729481987435156462018-10-03T10:35:00.002-07:002018-10-03T10:36:30.310-07:00When Your Adult Child Has Grown Up To Imitate The Narcissist<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b>When Your Child Grows Up To Imitate The Narcissist</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">Being raised by an emotional predator makes childhood equivalent to a war zone; a word, an accident, a false interpretation, breathing wrong can cause the toxic parent to go off like a bomb leaving a child feeling fearful of their very life. Leaving that dysfunctional, abusive environment represents an indescribable freedom. Sadly however, many that were raised by narcissistic, sociopathic or simply toxic parents wind up recreating their unresolved childhood wounds in the realm of a romantic relationship.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> When a child is taught that love is synonymous with manipulation, and without the proper knowledge as to what happened in childhood and who was rightfully to blame, that child, now adult, reenacts manipulation. Depending on their trauma response as children (fight, flight, freeze, or fawn) they will either be attracted to people pleasers and imitate blindly the way they were treated, or they will use how they were treated as what NOT to do - but.... often find themselves in relationships with others that treat them exactly how their abusive parent treated them - if not worse. </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Often, it's at this point in a person's life that they seek help - therapy, life coaching, counseling, etc. A healing journey begins, after googling traits they stumble upon the word narcissist and their search creates a lightbulb effect - suddenly life makes sense, they are not crazy, it was not their fault, they have been abused!! So many spend years, decades in toxic relationships without even realizing they are in abusive relationships - especially with covert abusers who have two personalities - the one they show others, and the one that tortures their family behind closed doors.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> The road to recovery takes time, is not linear, rather feels like a one step forward two steps back kind of travel. But little by little victims of narcissistic abuse come back into their skin, they shed the meshed personality of the abuser and finally get in touch with who they truly are at the core.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Everything so far seems so much better, life is so much clearer, we feel so much more in control of who we are rather than feeling like someone is pulling our strings, like a puppet, with the goal of bringing out the worst in us. But...... sometimes it's only when we are further down on our own journey to heal that we begin to see the damage that was done to the children living in that toxic environment.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> There is much debate whether narcissism is genetic or learned; personally I think each child has their own genetic make up and one child's genetic make up could make them more predisposed to narcissistic behavior - especially children who have a strong fight response, however I genuinely feel environment can either assist in that child's narcissistic traits or prevent them from ever taking shape. I liken it to cancer cells, we all have them, but they often only turn on when environmental factors assist - such as a persons diet, smoking, stress, etc. </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> The reality is that some that were victims of narcissistic abuse will leave one nightmare and find themselves in another, even more excruciatingly painful situation - when their child has become the narcissist. In my face to face coaching I have spoken with many beautiful, resilient, compassionate and loving parents who found themselves in this situation.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> As a parent I know how deeply the pain of losing a child to narcissism can be - it's almost as painful as losing them in death, if not more so; in death a child is gone physically, with narcissism a child is gone emotionally - an experience of truly living through death. For that reason I wanted to give some encouragement to those that are in this situation as well as some tips that can help.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">1) DO NOT DROWN YOURSELF IN BLAME:</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">It's easy to blame ourselves, to find fault within, to be angry with ourselves for not knowing sooner, for not being able to prevent this. But the truth is, as a parent you yourself were a victim as well, blinded by psychological manipulation and confused due to the never ending gaslighting. Without your mental faculties working properly due to abuse, it was impossible to help anyone else - in fact a victim of narcissistic abuse is hanging by a thin strand to sanity. Knowing this does not take away the pain, but it does help ease it a little. If we could all go back and change the past - we would, but marinating on our mistakes only does us harm and helps no one. Be compassionate and understanding with yourself.</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">2) FOCUS ON THE PRESENT:</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">It's never too late to live in a healthy environment. One of the most powerful ways we can help our children, no matter what age they are, is by our example. Some victims make the mistake of trying to show their children fault in the other toxic parent. Just as trying to expose truth to flying monkeys never works, just as trying to reveal truth during a smear campaign never yields good results, trying to point our the other parents mistakes often pushes children to side with the other parent as the "poor victim that's being badmouthed." So, the most powerful way to expose truth is revealing what healthy behavior is on a daily basis. If you want your children to be happy, give them the example of what happiness looks like - strengthen the joy within you. If you want children to respect boundaries - make sure that you exhibit strong boundaries and enforce them calmly yet firmly. If you want your children to talk as opposed to yell when making a point, give the example - talk calmly, peacefully - if they raise their voice let them know that you will continue the conversation only if they lower their voice - enforce your boundaries consistently. Many adult children of narcissists DO NOT have NPD, which means they CAN unlearn narcissistic behaviors that they soaked up as children but words will not help nearly as much as your example!!! And for those that do have NPD, by living in accord with you values, morals and self love you can learn to allow yourself to be happy in life and exercise healthy boundaries with those you love who may be dealing with narcissism. </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">3) BOUNDARIES ARE OUR FRIENDS: </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> When you've grown up with no boundaries and had a relationship as an adult with no boundaries, enforcing boundaries as a parent is foreign, sometimes it even creates intense feelings of guilt. This guilt is often an emotioanl flashback from when we, as children, tried to have boundaries and they were slammed down causing us to suffer emotional distress; our brain then associated boundaries with that distress and we learned to live trying to avoid that distress. We came to view boundaries as the bad guy - and giving in as love and acceptance. But when we give in and have no boundaries, we are unable to teach people how to treat us in a healthy manner. Boundaries are vital if one of your children has been affected with narcissism, an adult child of narcissism who now exhibits those same characteristics has the capacity to learn to respect boundaries - they may not like them, they may try at every chance to see if they can guilt you into bending them, but if you are consistent, kind yet firm.... you can have healthy boundaries even with an adult child that's narcissistic - unless of course that child refuses to have a relationship with you due to your boundaries - that would be a sad turn of events however, that is how we exercise self love and self respect and teach others to show us the same - those unable to love and/or respect us will leave, but that's their choice and not due to any lacking of parental love. Loving your children is not synonymous with allowing them to abuse. </span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">4) TAKE TIME TO DO WHAT YOU LOVE:</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><b><span style="font-size: x-small;">So many parents that grew up in unhealthy enviornments, only to marry into a smiliar enviornment - spent decades trying to please everyone but themselves. Pouring themselves out, they give and give until one day they feel hollow inside. I encourage you to take time to connect with your passions, to spend time not only existing - but living and appreciating every day of life. There are things that are out of our control - we are not responsible for other people's feelings and actions - it's hard to let go of that control, it's hard to let go of hope - which is why it's best to hope that one day they wake up and see what's really going on, but as you hold onto that hope - keep living....keep loving...others and especially yourself!!! </span></b></span></div>
deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-86326989326463379762018-08-06T15:50:00.001-07:002018-08-06T15:50:45.349-07:00Is Mgtow The Result of Female Narcissistic Abuse???<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PjpSgUmCOfE/W2jMb6Twp6I/AAAAAAAABqM/-B1rJZ0WjSIU_s7sd3NoRFaG3dkUCEPEQCLcBGAs/s1600/MGTOW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="642" data-original-width="718" height="178" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PjpSgUmCOfE/W2jMb6Twp6I/AAAAAAAABqM/-B1rJZ0WjSIU_s7sd3NoRFaG3dkUCEPEQCLcBGAs/s200/MGTOW.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZE5Qdkk6Cds/W2jP5nWGh-I/AAAAAAAABqk/z_ImK7p_TGcB48LJ-GR7p6AtQHc97DrZQCLcBGAs/s1600/i%2Bmiss%2Bme%2Bimage%2B3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1110" data-original-width="660" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZE5Qdkk6Cds/W2jP5nWGh-I/AAAAAAAABqk/z_ImK7p_TGcB48LJ-GR7p6AtQHc97DrZQCLcBGAs/s320/i%2Bmiss%2Bme%2Bimage%2B3.jpg" width="190" /></a></div>
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I received an email in response to a reader of the book Dating Harley Quinn (https://payhip.com/b/a31b) which basically stated that any man that would go through what this true story portrays - would go mgtow.<br />
<i><b>What is mgtow and could there be a connection between the acronym - which stands for -Men Going Their Own Way and female narcissistic abuse?</b></i><br />
That was my question and I searched this whole weekend for a connection between why men would reject relationships with women, and puposely choose to be alone rather than chance starting another relationship with the potential of finding a loving, healthy, reciprocal relationship.<br />
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The more I read, the more personal experiences I learned about, the more I was convinced that so many of these guys fell into the claws of female narcissists and hadn't realized what happened. If you are a guy raised by a female narcisissist, possibly codependent because of the mother son dynamics that narcisistic mothers create - then sadly, it's quite likely that a guy like that, winds up dating women with those same characteristics - you know, the kind of woman that is the sun and you are expected to revolve around; the kind of woman that is oblivious to your needs (you mean you have needs?) yes the kind of woman that only TAKES in a relationship and gives only crumbs of what love may appear to be like. Narcissistic women fuel themselves by breaking a guy over and over, and just when he feels broken and has one foot out the door.....narcisistic women relish in the power of being able to convince the guy to trust her and love her one more time. How empowering it is for these women to fool a man once again, the only vendetta is to break him even more.<br />
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Now imagine you are that guy - and this is ALL you know!!<br />
Mgtow begins to sound really, really good at this point. And for some, they are happy being alone and that's ok. But if you're not.....<br />
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That's why knowledge regarding narcissistic abuse - especially the emotional, psychological abuse that narcisistic women inflict on men is so vital.<br />
If you do not know or recognize that you have been raised by a toxic, narcissistic mother and then dated narcissistic women or borderlines, histrionics or any cocktail of cluster b's - then you are bound to give up and think ALL women are evil, toxic, soul sucking creatures not worth the time of day. Sadly, there are a lot of narcissists out there, but there are also a lot of amazing people as well. True strength and healing doesn't come from cutting oneself off from society, rather it comes from having the inner strength to live among society yet still be able to carve out a life in which you feel happy, enriched and have embraced a life that is truly rewarding.<br />
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<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-57720537389747532802018-08-01T07:10:00.001-07:002018-08-01T07:10:17.199-07:00Dating Harley Quinn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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No one, and I mean NO ONE understands the turmoil, the damage, the prison, the nightmare.... the HELL that a person undergoes while in a relationship with a narcissist -<strong>unless they have been there themselves</strong>. This TRUE story is so insane that unless you are familiar with narcisissm, narcissistic abuse and histrionic personality disorder - <em>you almost wouldn't believe it was a</em><strong style="font-style: italic;"> non fiction book!! </strong>And even if you have never heard of narcissistic abuse - your eyes will be opened to what expert manipulation looks like and how it can reach into a person and yank their soul inside out so that they are no longer recognizable and become strangers to others and to themselves.</div>
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She tried to kill me twice, I tried to kill myself once, an employee of mine tried to kill me and in the end - I tried to kill HER!!! I went from $2 Million dollars a year to homeless; in the span of 3 years I sank enough Meth to keep a herd of elephants awake indefinitely and yet as hard as I hit rock bottom, I didn't stay down and from the bottom of my heart I hope that inspires YOU.</div>
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I had arrived in Bulgaria driving a 140’ Stretch Limo weighing over 6 tons -it was like sailing a ship down the interstate -you didn’t turn right, you simply just stopped turning left. I went over the ALPS in that Limo! On the way down the mountain, the front brakes <em>were on fire; </em>I had to stop every mile or so and cool them down with a CO2 fire extinguisher. And then there was the drive through the center of Venice -now THAT was a laugh. Venice is designed for Gondolas and tiny, city cars -NOT 30’ Limos. And yet as crazy as that ride was -while I was fully prepared to face a new country, a new culture, a new language, and a new business adventure - I was most definitely NOT prepared for the new breed of women that I would be introduced to by Angel. </div>
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The beginning of the relationship was surreal - if ever I had fantasized about what the perfect girl would be - it <em>paled in comparison to what Angel was truly like</em> and how she enhanced my life. If I were to compare her to anyone I had ever dated - it would not be fair;<strong> it would be like comparing a painting done with finger paints hanging on a refrigerator door, held up with a magnet, to Michelangelo's art scenes from Genesis painted on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel in Rome. </strong></div>
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I quite literally could not imagen a girl more totally perfect, my imagination was stretched just to take in the reality of her. She took me in every way she possibly could to the heights beyond the tops of Mt. Everest in sensual and hedonistic pleasure. </div>
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She brought me to the edge of the stratosphere where the air is so thin you have to wear a space suit - but the view - the view is all humanity stretched out before you and you can see the curvature of the earth and the blackness of space. You know that above you, there isn't even enough air to support your wings, there is no higher.</div>
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Beyond this point there is no measurement of height, from here on it becomes - distance. As you glide in perfect tranquility at the edge of space, the sun so bright your visor is almost black, gasping at the beauty of life that you never thought possible.</div>
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And then ......<em><strong> she dropped me.</strong></em></div>
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<strong>What looked so innocent and enticing in the beginning, quickly turned into a covert poison that cost me my million dollar business, my health, provoked a suicide attempt and left me homeless and suffering brain damage.</strong></div>
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I am so thoroughly convinced that you will enjoy this book that there is a 100% money back guarantee. <strong>If you do not think it's worth ten bucks when you have finished reading it - we will refund your money!!</strong> That's how confident we are that you will not be able to put this book down. </div>
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https://payhip.com/b/a31b</div>
deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-35289218746308594792018-06-26T14:00:00.001-07:002018-06-26T14:50:28.041-07:00Emotionally Crippling Beliefs Narcissistic Parents Teach Their Children<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: large;">It's so easy for people to identify physical abuse and even sexual abuse, but for the thousands...millions of children that suffer the invisible pain of emotional abuse and neglect by a toxic parent, they carry their scars unseen by the naked eye, and often times unrecognized in their own eyes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> If there are no bruises to be seen, no broken bones, no ribs protruding out from a small, starving body then it's easy to dismiss neglect and emotional abuse. But the truth is, being raised by a toxic parent not only wreaks havoc on your childhood, it also sets the tone for the rest of your life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> What is a toxic parent? <span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 24px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">A toxic parent is a parent that displays a<b><i><u>ny negative behavior that winds up causing emotional damage or contaminates the way a child sees himself/herself.</u></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> When a baby is born they have no insecurities, no self loathing, no hate, no anger, no shame...…..they are waiting to be cherished, loved, and taught like willing sponges they soak up everything they learn from their parents. It's sad to realize that the ones entrusted to care for you are bent on hardwiring you with limiting beliefs and teaching you conditional love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Toxic parents begin their abuse and neglect immediately after the child is born. The cries of an infant in need become a burden, something that dares take them away from what is important to them - and so the baby and then young infant learns to hide their own needs because they not only want the approval of their caregiver, but also they are not too young to recognize that their life depends on this person.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Toxic parents stare blankly at their young infant as the child flails his/her arms and legs seeking to connect, even at this young age a child is longing, craving for emotional connection. The blank stare is confusing to the baby. Do I not matter? Can you see me? Am I alive? Why are you ignoring me? And then it's born.... the belief - there must be something wrong with me. Rather than developing self esteem, the baby loses confidence, self worth. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> And everything is so confusing. One minute the parent is ignoring the child, the next doting on him/her and showing the child off to others. But how is a young toddler able to know that this is for show? Will my mom or dad love me today? Will they be happy with me? What's wrong with me? And the intermittent approval and neglect teach the child conditional love. You are only good when you are pleasing me, you are worthless and bad when you do not. Another belief is born - I am here to make others happy. My needs and wants are not important, I am put here to serve my parents needs and when I don't I am a bad child.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Toxic parents are hypocrites. They demand from their children what they are unwilling to give. You must give your toxic parent complete respect, even when they are disrespecting you and your other parent. You must go above and beyond to please this parent, even if they are only willing to take and not give even when it comes to your basic needs. They teach, do as I say not as I do and a child is never allowed to question such hypocrisy, after all that would be disrespectful. Which behavior should I copy? When my toxic parent is demanding and disrespectful, people comply with him/her, everyone walks around on eggshells - they are powerful. And traits begin to emerge in a child - either the child begins to imitate the abusive behavior as a coping skill or they think that they were put on this earth to fulfill the position of doormat for the family. Either way - the child grows up warped in their view of family dynamics, thinking that this behavior they are seeing is "normal."</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> It's so easy to make a child feel guilty. When a child expresses their desire to do something - if it interferes with the parents time table - that child is selfish, uncaring as to how much the parent does for them. How dare they have an interest? How dare they enjoy something when the toxic parent is having a bad day? If the toxic parent is miserable then the whole family must be miserable. And another belief is born....I have no boundaries. I cannot stand up for what is important to me. I don't even have emotional boundaries - I cannot be happy without my parents "permission" and they never grant it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Toxic parents are great at teaching their children they are unlovable. They have so many statements and comparisons they employ to drive this home. 'I love you because you're my son, but I don't like you as a person.' 'Why can't you be like you're (golden child) brother?' Sometimes they teach more by what they choose not to say....' So and so is such an amazing child, he/she does this and that and wow, the parents must be so proud and feel so blessed to have such a perfect, amazing, lovable child. I wish he/she was my child.' Meanwhile their own beautiful, precious child sits there listening thinking....wow Mom can compliment children, she is capable of seeing good in kids....just not in me. The sad part is knowing that that's exactly the conclusion she was hoping her child reached.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Growing up with toxic parents is like walking through a mine field on a daily basis. You never know when you are going to set off a bomb, maybe by something you said, or something you did, or possibly didn't do. And so you work so hard to try to watch, you become hyper vigilant in order to learn the rules....and just when you think you have them down pat, it's never understood why they keep changing. And so that battlefield of mines that you have to cross every day, must be crossed while in a state of emotional vertigo. You never make it to the other side without some crisis or another. If only you could be like your brother, or the neighbors kid....or anyone but yourself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"> Growing up with toxic parents is difficult. And it takes time to uproot the limiting beliefs that they instill within you, but it is possible to break the cycle of generational abuse. It stopped with me and it can stop with you too if you are willing to do the inner work to eradicate the 'virus' that was placed within you and if you are willing to learn how to install empowering beliefs!! I want to send out a huge hug to anyone raised by toxic parents - you are not alone!!</span><br />
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deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-48177972364933745012018-05-16T19:26:00.003-07:002018-05-16T19:26:19.025-07:00Female Histrionic Narcissist - Women That Destroy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-91489776828446260952018-03-26T14:00:00.002-07:002018-03-26T14:00:40.235-07:00Amazing Resource for Men Going To Court Against Female Narcissist <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OOaLHGnl-sM/WrlU9BehbzI/AAAAAAAABh0/bgM6_nY6LLIdzDxNtLNKba_p2mspgPIkwCLcBGAs/s1600/crazy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="346" data-original-width="218" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OOaLHGnl-sM/WrlU9BehbzI/AAAAAAAABh0/bgM6_nY6LLIdzDxNtLNKba_p2mspgPIkwCLcBGAs/s320/crazy.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1514683814/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=1514683814&linkCode=as2&tag=freeofnarciss-20&linkId=e276cd71c5737b17dc9c54519904f9cb" target="_blank">Say Goodbye to Crazy: How to Get Rid of His Crazy Ex and Restore Sanity to Your Life</a><img alt="" border="0" height="1" src="//ir-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/ir?t=freeofnarciss-20&l=am2&o=1&a=1514683814" style="border: none !important; margin: 0px !important;" width="1" />
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As a survivor of narcissistic abuse, I know first hand how frightening it is to go to court for custody and visitation against someone I feel has NPD. The fact that narcissists are expert manipulators that come alive, salivating at the chance to perform in a court room, while victims knees tremble barely able to have the strength to maintain themselves upright, motivates me to continually find resources that can empower victims of narcissistic abuse and help them protect their children.<br />
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To change around a Forrest Gump quote - Crazy is as crazy does. The sooner a male victim of narcissistic abuse comes to grips with the fact that his crazy soon to be ex wife is...well, crazy, does not want to change, will never play by the rules and sadly will live to poison the minds of their children against their father - the sooner you can begin to adopt strategies that do indeed help.<br />
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This publication will not only help you to face the truth, but will also arm you with knowledge that will empower you as you strengthen your custody case. Going to court against a narcissist is nothing like a "normal" divorce therefore handling it as you would a "normal" divorce will only be to your disadvantage.<br />
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The sooner you have the knowledge that's behind her actions as well as the tools to adopt that will help you, the better you are in a position to help your children. Sadly, crazy narcissistic mothers spread their hate as quickly as poison ivy often rewarding the children with material possessions or priviledges when they disrespect and mirror the hate she has for their father. And if children remain loyal to the other parent and attempt to be neutral a narcissistic mother will instill a shame based core identity, shaming them, making them feel as if they are inherently "bad" children. The narcissistic mother will also be extremely lenient so that when the kids are with her, life is "fun' yet when with dad it is full of responsibilities; all of this is done to alienate the father from his children. This is why learning, preparing, and applying what you learn is so vital. Crazy narcissistic mothers will train their children to grow up to be crazy self entitled narcissists that are bound to have nothing but toxic relationships when older. IF you educate yourself, and prepare well - while it is difficult and can be outright exhausting - you may be able to save your children from the horrors of growing up in Crazyville.<br />
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And I always encourage you to take a look at the PDF When The Devils The Defendent, which will help you to know how to present your case in a way that will give you credibility in the eyes of the judge. http://payhip.com/b/Kl21<br />
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YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO PREPARED!!!<br />
<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-72424427979225990462018-03-24T14:40:00.000-07:002018-03-24T14:40:03.826-07:00Finding Happiness After Narcissism <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-78733526258828783452018-03-14T10:55:00.001-07:002018-03-14T10:55:49.227-07:00Cptsd -What's YOUR Trauma Response?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-76892362924055059952018-02-23T15:49:00.000-08:002018-02-23T15:52:33.018-08:00Complex PTSD From Surviving To Thriving<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">Are you battling Cptsd??</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">The publication that I mentioned Complex Ptsd From Surviving to Thriving by Paul Walker has been claimed. However many were interested in a link for that publication, so here is the Amazon link for a physical copy of the book.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Keep in mind that it is much more economical to download it onto Kindle, or as an Ebook!!</span></div>
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<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=freeofnarciss-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=1492871842&asins=1492871842&linkId=f9b4d106d325bce32fd5ef63d69eed1e&show_border=false&link_opens_in_new_window=false&price_color=333333&title_color=0066c0&bg_color=ffffff" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;">
</iframe>deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-2743864421011519382018-02-14T09:52:00.001-08:002018-02-14T10:30:41.467-08:00Why Narcissists Use The SILENT TREATMENT<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GwwgjfTvc9M/WoR3fcSfXqI/AAAAAAAABg4/RgAwslBkN3wDybNFZ8tOwJqXfCpWHXgTQCLcBGAs/s1600/silent-treatment.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="473" data-original-width="700" height="216" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GwwgjfTvc9M/WoR3fcSfXqI/AAAAAAAABg4/RgAwslBkN3wDybNFZ8tOwJqXfCpWHXgTQCLcBGAs/s320/silent-treatment.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Why Narcissists Use The SILENT TREATMENT!!</div>
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The narcissist is an expert manipulator who's goal is to cause suffering, chaos, pain, and anger yet all with the ability to hide behind their covert tactics to the point that you do not realize that the intense pain you are experiencing are a direct result of the person claiming they love you and would never do anything to hurt you.</div>
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One of their favorite covert abuse tactics is the silent treatment.</div>
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The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising, without insults and criticism or any forms of verbal abuse. The pain is there....but it is hidden from not only the sight of others, but even of yourself.</div>
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Imagine trying to explain the sheer anguish of the pain in your relationship and if someone were to ask you -</div>
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Does he/she hit you? Well - No.</div>
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Is he or she screaming at you? Umm, not at all.</div>
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Are they calling you names and insulting you? Nope</div>
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Then what's the problem? </div>
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They won't talk to me, they give me the silent treatment.</div>
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Ok. Can you imagine the look on the listeners face? Automatically</div>
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your friend/family member will think you are overreacting, that it's not as bad as we are claiming, or that others have it worse!!</div>
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There's nothing worse than feeling the anguish of abuse and then having it minimized by those we open up to.</div>
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The truth is, the silent treatment is just as damaging as physical abuse.Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates
the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain.</div>
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Some people may even view the silent treatment as a good thing, they may rationalize with you - </div>
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maybe he/she's just trying to cool off. Maybe they just don't want to say something they will regret. Maybe they are just trying to not put more fuel into the fire. </div>
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If you begin to rationalize that these are the motives of the narcissist - then their abuse</div>
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is truly hiding deeper and deeper and the effects on you are getting worse and worse.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b><span>The silent
treatment, even if it’s brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex –
the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is
the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close
friends or enemies.</span></b></i></span></div>
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The silent treatment is the narcissists favorite weapon of choice because it’s
powerful and it’s easy to get away with. There is nothing subtle about a
physical or verbal lashing, but an accusation of the silent treatment,
‘Are you ignoring me?’ can easily be denied.</div>
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If you find yourself constantly getting sucked into the silent treatment, this may be your normal response: </div>
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" The pain of the silence, the ignoring is so unbearable. I beg him/her to tell me what's wrong, to talk to me. I let him/her know that I'm sorry for whatever I did that hurt him/her. I'm not sure this time what exactly set his/her anger off in the first place, but I apologize because I don't care about who is at fault I just want peace and if I have to be the one to apologize (since he/she never does) then so be it. I just want to feel acknowledged. </div>
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It's been days since he/she has directed a word let a lone a glance at me. Even when he/she is at work all I can do is think about what happened, mull around in my mind what I did wrong, what I could've done right, how to make things better. These thoughts dominate my mind so much that I find it so difficult to concentrate on work, I can't feel any happiness. All I feel is an anxious dread as to what is going to happen next, how long it will be before this silence ends. I never knew silence could be so loud and so painful. I just want it to stop. I will do or say anything to make it go away."</div>
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Ok if any of the above thoughts are thoughts that have gone through your mind during the silent treatment....then you have fallen into the game of the narcissist. You are being controlled by the subtle form of abuse that the narcissist loves to employ.</div>
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Here are 3 tips to free you from falling victim of the silent treatment.</div>
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1) Call it for what it is. The silent treatment is ABUSE. If you are enduring the silent treatment, especially on a regular basis you are being emotionally abused. It is NOT normal, it should NOT be a an every day part of your relationship. You do NOT deserve it no matter what the other party says. Once you recognize it for what it is - ABUSE - STOP apologizing for it!! By apologizing, even for the sake of peace, for something you did not do, by apologizing for the narcissists uncontrollable narcissistic rage or narcissistic injury - you are virtually supporting a lie. The lie in the narcissists head is that any time they feel a negative thougth or emotion - IT IS YOUR FAULT!! Every time you apologize you strengthen this false reality in the narcissists mind. The next time the narcissist gives you the silent treatment ...pause....notice it...recognize it as abuse....remind yourself that you are not responisble for the feelings and actions of others you are ONLY responsible for what you do, say, think and feel.</div>
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2) LAY DOWN A BOUNDARY. When the narcissist ignores you and talks to you when and if they feel like it, they are denying you any rights as to how YOU would like to be treated. The narcissist uses the silent treament as a dictatorship - they will talk with you as long as you do, act, feel, say, dress, think EXACTLY how they want you to. However, if you deviate, and dare to show any kind of seperateness of persona, any kind of individuality, or worse - any kind of difference in opinion than the narcissist -they ultimately kill you in their minds. By not talking to you, or acknowledging your presence you basically do not exist to them in their minds. You will not be allowed to exist again until you once again become submissive to their dictatorship by eradicating anything and everything that makes you - YOU and simply accept the fact that you are now a mere extention of the narcissist.</div>
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A boundary you can set can be as follows:</div>
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"Well, since you are unwilling to have an adult conversation I'm going to go out and get some things done. I will be back in two hours, I hope you are ready to talk at that point."</div>
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THEN ENFORCE YOUR BOUNDARY BY LEAVING</div>
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If the narcissist suddenly says they are ready to talk now....remind them of your boundary. Well, I have some things to get done. I'm glad you're willing to talk, I will be back in two hours. Do not keep explaining, do not get sucked into a drama battle. Their only point in trying to talk at that moment is to exercise control. They do not want YOU to feel ANY measure of empowerment and by keeping you or drawing you into a drama battle they prevent you from feeling empowered.</div>
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WHEN YOU LEAVE FOR TWO HOURS....do NOT spend the time crying, or wondering why they do what they do, or wishing they were different. This is your time to give to YOU. Take a walk and enjoy nature, go to your favorite coffee shop and enjoy your favorite drink, visit a good friend, window shop in your favorite store. The point is to do something that reminds you that you are important, that you have value, that you deserve to be treated in a healthy fashion. Use these 2 hours as an emotional power charge for yourself.</div>
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3) OBSERVE AND TAKE ACTION. This final point is the hardest but most important. When you go back and attempt to have a conversation with the narcissist you should be in observe mode.</div>
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Pay attention to his/her body language. </div>
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Do they look as if they want to reconcile? </div>
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Do they seem like they are willing to be reasonable? </div>
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Do they look angry and accusotory? </div>
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When you attempt to converse are they still giving you the silent treatment?</div>
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If they are actually talking, are they simply accusing, insulting and blaming?</div>
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Are their words seemingly trying to reconcile or reject and shame?</div>
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If they still are using abusive tactics this is when you need to TAKE ACTION. And I do not mean by getting sucked into a drama battle. You need to discern if this relationship is healthy or unhealthy. Does this person cause more harm and damage than love and kindness? Is this relationship destroying you?</div>
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Make a firm decision to not tolerate abuse. You cannot stop someone else from being an abusive person....but you can stop yourself from being in a relationship full of abuse.</div>
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deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-89776467637457681522018-02-03T15:07:00.002-08:002018-02-03T15:07:49.145-08:00Narcissists Want To Destroy You From The Inside<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-15423354441822598492017-12-06T15:58:00.002-08:002017-12-06T15:58:25.969-08:00Narcissists ALWAYS Ruin Special Occasions/Holidays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WeYwJyYbAl4/Wih4fOQjiFI/AAAAAAAABfQ/W2m61sEZ_70XB4i0fhZL1I1dTfboM9BzQCEwYBhgL/s1600/design-holiday.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WeYwJyYbAl4/Wih4fOQjiFI/AAAAAAAABfQ/W2m61sEZ_70XB4i0fhZL1I1dTfboM9BzQCEwYBhgL/s320/design-holiday.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Are you in a relationship with someone who always seems to ruin the moments and events in life that mean the most to you? Do you constantly feel as if every time you strive toward making a special occasion happy, your partner seems to never be pulling the other direction to make it miserable? Are the occasions that meant the most to you in the past, a source of misery in the present ever since you have been in a relationship with a certain person?</div>
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If you answered yes to the above questions there is a good chance you are in a relationship with a narcissistic person! </div>
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Why do narcissists seem to <strong><em>hate</em></strong> special occasions and purposely ruin holidays and important events?</div>
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Here are 5 reasons why narcissists make it a habit to make sure that the days that mean the most to you are now full of misery and dread:</div>
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><em><strong>1) Narcissists think they are the sun and the world should revolve around them!! Celebrate and put the attention on someone else? How dare you!! The narcissist will punish you for taking your attention off of them and putting it on anyone or anything else. By fighting with you right before the special event, two purposes are accomplished by the narcissist. First, the fight forces you to put your mind and total attention back on the narcissist as you desperately try to make this person happy. Second, the fight stamps out any sparks of joy that were beginning to flutter within. You are not allowed to be happy - if the narcissist is unable to experience genuine happiness (and they can't) then those closest to them will be denied the ability to enjoy genuine happiness. </strong></em></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><em><strong>2) Narcissists are unable to be close to people on an emotional level. Special occasions give families the opportunities to draw closer together, to bond, its a time of connectedness, giving, loving, and gratefulness to many. The problem is that these are all emotions that the narcissist fights against. To distance themselves emotionally during special occasions they will often resort to creating chaos. As they watch their family running around catering to them in an effort to get this special occasion to finally be one all will enjoy, they derive pleasure at causing their families attempts to fail. Unlike healthy people who get pleasure with love, closeness, sharing and giving of themselves - the narcissist gets his/her pleasure by taking the joy away from others. The narcissist is fueled with power as they see that they have the immense strength to cause something that was at one time a cherished event to become a day of doom. </strong></em></span></div>
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><em><strong>3) Special occasions require you to give, whether it's a gift or simply your attention focused on someone else. A narcissist does not give. Every relationship with a narcissist will always be one sided, with one person giving everything and anything to keep the narcissist happy while the narcissist teaches with their anger to not expect a thing from them</strong>.</em></span> </div>
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<span style="color: red; font-size: large;"><em><strong>4) Special occasions often require spending time with extended family members. The narcissist does not want their family around anyone that could help them to see they are in a toxic relationship; the narcissist does not want their family around anyone that could point out that they don't look so good or ask if they are doing okay. They keep their family on a short leash and spending time with extended family members may give the narcissists family the opportunity to confide in someone and ask for help and get a realistic evaluation as to what is going on behind closed doors. Well, the narcissist cannot afford to have anyone show you that the reality they are conditioning you to believe is NOT true reality, rather their warped way of seeing things. They will often make a special event so absolutely miserable that your extended family will not WANT to come back again, and that's exactly what they want so that they can isolate you from anyone that can help you.</strong></em></span></div>
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<strong><em><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">5) Narcissists love to ruin holidays because....it's fun to them; life is a game and the goal is always to derive narcissistic supply from their families. As the special occasion approaches and you get more excited and full of joy, they thoroughly relish in delight as they pull out a needle and pop that balloon, watching you crash into tears, pain and disillusion. And then when you finally cannot take their attempts to ruin it anymore and you lose your cool, fly off the handle, get furious at their attempts to ruin everything - it is at that precise moment that they look at you in wide eyed innocence as they point the finger at your behavior and blame YOU for the misery of the special occasion. And when you fall for it, and you begin to feel bad and wonder if it is all your fault, the narcissistic supply runs through their veins and they smile within...sometimes if you look carefully you will notice their narcissistic smirk since they cannot hide the joy they are feeling at ruining yet another special occasion. </span></em></strong></div>
<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-58299320750434766172017-11-29T17:34:00.001-08:002017-11-29T17:34:45.059-08:00Children of Narcissistic Parents<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8iubo2jYVKs/Wh9dGqxpqPI/AAAAAAAABew/UDXXUFYTRmMG-t8OcgibToFdqAxjKgoIwCLcBGAs/s1600/crying-child-painting.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="240" data-original-width="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-8iubo2jYVKs/Wh9dGqxpqPI/AAAAAAAABew/UDXXUFYTRmMG-t8OcgibToFdqAxjKgoIwCLcBGAs/s1600/crying-child-painting.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><i><b>"Self-trust, self-love, and self-knowledge can be taught to a daughter
only by a mother who possesses those qualities herself." - Dr. Karyl
McBride, from <i>Will I Ever Be Good Enough</i></b></i></u></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><i><b><i><br /></i></b></i></u></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><i><b><i><br /></i></b></i></u></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><i><b><i><br /></i></b></i></u></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A child of a narcissistic parent is taught conditional love...they are loved if and when they "perform" perfectly up to the expectations of the parent. Just when they are enjoying the moment of feeling loved, that love is yanked from them, mostly when they least expect it - causing insecurity, fear and a deep sense of shame. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Young children do not have the mental capacity to understand that their parent may have a problem, their parent may not know how to love correctly; So they internalize the problem and think they are the problem, they are unlovable, unworthy, never enough.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A child of a narcissistic parent never tastes unconditional love.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="color: red;">Unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves.</span></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A narcissist is unable to love unconditionally because they do not care about the happiness of others, not even of their family members. In fact happiness is viewed as a threat to a narcissist.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
When a narcissist sees genuine happiness reflected in the eyes of their family members they react in the same way I react when I see a roach, I scrunch my face in disgust and do all I can to stamp it out of existence.<br />
Therefore children of narcissistic parents learn not to shine, not to laugh or feel genuine happiness. They are conditioned over time to feel uncomfortable with happiness, after all, any time they felt it as a child it was accompanied by rage by the narcissist.<br />
It's important to help children to overcome this avoidance of happiness even if they are no longer living with the narcissistic parent. Because they have been conditioned to associate negative feelings with happiness, because they have lived their life feeling as if everything is a funeral, they need to be taught how to be happy. Sometimes children of narcissistic parents will create caos when life is calm, simply because calmness scares them; after all it was always right when everyone was calm and "happy" that the narcissist would rage. It's a coping mechanism, it helps them to not feel so out of control - they think - if all goes crazy at least I will be expecting it since I am causing it!!!<br />
If your children are doing this after the relationship with the narcissist has ended, please be patient with them. Children of narcissistic parents are not used to calm, healthy, happy lives and sometimes they take on the role of the narcissist even after the narcissist is gone simply because that has always been their "normal."<br />
Something that was helpful with my family was practicing gratitude. Each day we made a practice to write down 3 things we were happy about that day. It didn't have to be big things, it's often the little things that happen on a regular basis that bring us the most happiness. And instead of overlooking those little things we made it a point to seek them out, to write them down, to share them with each other. This practice slowly helped my children to learn to be comfortable with happiness until now happiness is their normal.<br />
I hope this technique of writing down 3 things you are greatful for, or things that made you happy each day is as helpful for your family as it has been for mine.<br />
</div>
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<br />
<b><i></i></b><i><b><i></i></b></i><u><i><b><i></i></b></i></u>deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-8040218129012189532017-11-12T21:25:00.001-08:002017-11-12T21:25:42.835-08:00Do Not Be Fooled By Nice People<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U6NEWPoEJOA/Wgjb6bneExI/AAAAAAAABeI/4iiSKN_Fb0UiSkULc5qLO5UeJoI_PyKzgCLcBGAs/s1600/th.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="174" data-original-width="248" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U6NEWPoEJOA/Wgjb6bneExI/AAAAAAAABeI/4iiSKN_Fb0UiSkULc5qLO5UeJoI_PyKzgCLcBGAs/s1600/th.jpg" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
WHEN BEING NICE IS DANGEROUS</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I spoke with a woman who spent 15 years in a relationship with an abusive, covert narcissist. I asked her - 'Do you have the tendency to be attracted to bad boys? Or difficult boys?'</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"No," she replied honestly. "I've never been attracted to bad boys, in fact I love a guy that is sincere and kind and has a good head on his shoulder."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"What were your ex boyfriends like?" I inquired again.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"They were all great guys, nice guys that had a lot going for them. I don't understand how I fell for a narcissist, what do you think I did wrong with this one?" She asked.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"You did nothing wrong - you were duped."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This woman had talked on and on about how amazing her now ex was, how everyone thought he was gold, how she felt so blessed to have been "chosen" by him. Yes, how ...NICE....he was. The whole world thought he was the NICEST GUY on the planet.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So many people wind up falling for Mr. Nice/Narcissist because they are attracted to nice guys, but they are people that tend to believe that everyone portrays what they really are. After all, they are honest with who they are, isn't everyone else??</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
NO.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sadly a narcissist has the ability to portray themselves as a wolf in sheep's clothing. They fool people into believing this false image so that once they've sucked you in, the trap snaps and you find yourself stuck in a narcissistic web.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Does that mean you avoid all nice guys??</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
NO.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But learning the difference between a healthy, nice individual and a narcissist who is portraying nice is vital. Not all nice people are good people and having the wisdom to discern between the two can help you avoid much heartache. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Here is a breakdown of the differences between a good person and a false nice person:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i><u>GOOD PEOPLE: </u></i></b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">* Display consistent integrity</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">* They have depth and substance to their personality</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">* They are responsible and care about how their actions affect others</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">* They don't "brag" about being a good person or constantly highlight their good qualities for the world to see</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: large;">* They are selfless even if there is no audience to witness it</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They are themselves without seeking approval from others</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They say what they mean, they do not tickle your ears by lying just to make you happy</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They listen to your pains and never throw them in your face even during an argument</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They build you up as opposed to tearing you down</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They are always the same, you never have to guess what kind of person they will be today</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They can rejoice at the success of others</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They admit their mistakes and flaws</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><i>DECEPTIVELY NICE PEOPLE:</i></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i style="font-weight: bold;">* </i>Integrity is dependent on the circumstances, whether it benefits them or not</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They are charming and praise you not because their compliments are truth but rather to get you to fall for their charm</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They are shallow and it seems impossible to have deep, meaningful conversations with them</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They desperately need the approval of others and if that means stepping on others or putting others down, then they will do that in order to gain praise</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They are manipulative</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They are like perfume - very sweet but often to cover up what is deeply offensive</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They lie easily and believe there lies, they lack any integrity whatsoever</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">* They will remind you how amazing they are and how fortunate you should feel to have been chosen by them</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-65678941549240364272017-11-11T21:10:00.001-08:002017-11-11T21:10:48.564-08:00Narcissists and Therapy - How Therapists Create BETTER Narcissists<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-17897757726342308362017-11-01T08:02:00.000-07:002017-11-01T08:02:26.151-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lvPv_uaGhDk/WfnfKbncnfI/AAAAAAAABdo/miT97JnTj3cFE6Yy8x8MP5CMpwC2oSZXQCLcBGAs/s1600/health-beauty-nursery_rhyme-nursery_song-egg-reverse_psychology-impulse-wmi110505_low.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="435" data-original-width="400" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lvPv_uaGhDk/WfnfKbncnfI/AAAAAAAABdo/miT97JnTj3cFE6Yy8x8MP5CMpwC2oSZXQCLcBGAs/s320/health-beauty-nursery_rhyme-nursery_song-egg-reverse_psychology-impulse-wmi110505_low.jpg" width="294" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY AND NARCISSISTS?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why can reverse psychology work if you do not overuse it?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's simple a narcissist lives their life striving after narcissistic supply - which they often get when causing another person to feel frustrated, anger, helpless, unlovable, desperate, etc.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Much like a two year old that picks up a very pretty glass vase, smashes it to the ground and marvels at the sheer volume of the noise it creates and the amount of pieces flying everywhere. They look up, half guilty half impressed thinking -did I have the power to cause such massive destruction?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
That's how a narcissist feels whenever they shatter you on the inside - they look at the situation and marvel, thinking wow I'm so powerful look how angry I can make him/her, look how upset I can cause him/her to feel? I did that!!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So how does reverse psychology come in?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Once you learn how the narcissist thinks....you can use this to your advantage. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Lets say your child has a special event on the weekend they are supposed to visit the narcissistic parent (NP). If dealing with a rational person you can simply talk to the other parent, explain the situation and ask to switch weekends - a healthy parent would have the child's best interests at heart and be willing to compromise for the happiness of their child.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
NOT a NP.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The NP will think...yes!!! My ex wants something from me, I'm going to do everything to make the situation impossible and watch him/her fall apart emotionally trying to convince me I should change weekends - I'll show him/her!!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Knowing this, you can save your breath and approach it from a different angle such as:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
" I have something really important to do this coming weekend, please do not cancel visitation like you did last time it would really put me in a bind/"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Inside the narcissists mind occurs something to this effect: She/he has something important to her and she's/he's letting me know - yes!! Now I can do something that will completely mess up his/her plans and cause mountains of frustration. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Hopefully the NP will cancel the visitation in an effort to hurt you.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Now remember, nothing is a guarantee - and if the narcissist suspects you are using this technique they will not fall for it again. So use wise and sparingly. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's sad that you cannot negotiate and talk through events with a NP, but the truth is YOU CAN'T.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But there are ways to handle the situation that lesson your emotional reaction and reverse psychology can be a go to tool to help.</div>
deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-31435383844606435312017-10-31T19:08:00.003-07:002017-10-31T19:08:58.408-07:00Narcissistic Mothers - No Contact - Disinherited<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-81285875957362337472017-10-29T20:21:00.001-07:002017-10-29T20:21:36.246-07:00One Subscribers Story - How Narcissists Emotionally Unbalance You<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-66711447247475840672017-10-29T20:00:00.001-07:002017-10-29T20:00:17.213-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uIGdOi4TE1g/WfZ3oRHpkOI/AAAAAAAABdM/MJcJNZ3i_R8XZZwJzas-E4kZgiPZuAf8gCLcBGAs/s1600/5554f74e23bd05d15e2b25d43368f8af.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="250" data-original-width="236" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uIGdOi4TE1g/WfZ3oRHpkOI/AAAAAAAABdM/MJcJNZ3i_R8XZZwJzas-E4kZgiPZuAf8gCLcBGAs/s1600/5554f74e23bd05d15e2b25d43368f8af.jpg" /></a></div>
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<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>PHYSICAL ABUSE</b> - Leaves scars, a trail of proof that cannot be denied.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>VERBAL ABUSE</b> - Can be heard not only by the abused but others as well; it can also be recorded with a phone, revealed in texts and/or emails - it too leaves a trail.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<b>EMOTIONAL ABUSE</b> - is a silent killer.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<blockquote style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: inherit; color: #333333; font-family: Merriweather, serif; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; letter-spacing: 0.8px; margin: 0px 0px 20px; padding: 20px 20px 15px 45px; position: relative;">
<div style="box-sizing: inherit; padding: 0px;">
An emotional predator may speak in a calm tone, without yelling or screaming or even name calling. They may at times speak kind words to you. In front of others they appear supportive, the perfect spouse that others always wished for yet only thought existed in movies. Their covert abuse is administers in small doses, daily, in the most cunning ways over a long period of time. The impact in the victims is gradual as opposed to fist-to-the-face immediate. So gradual that when the victim seems "crazy" to those around him/her....no one even remembers the person that victim was before the abuse began - not even the victim.</div>
</blockquote>
Now realistically, it's important to recognize that we have all hurt others, especially those we love. No one can claim to never have hurt their partner emotionally - in fact an inability to recognize the pains you inflicted on others is a red flag.<br />
However there's a difference between hurting unintentionally, or regretfully our loved one and cunningly emotionally abusing them. Keep in mind that emotional abuse is also known as psychological or mental abuse.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><u>Where is the line drawn?</u></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
When a crime has been committed, part of the prosecutions job is prove intent, motive. Emotional abuse has a motive: It's aim is to control, belittle, shame, isolate and humiliate others into subservience. It happens little by little, slowly eroding a persons self confidence, self esteem, self concept and own ideas dissipate and become nothing but a rumor.<br />
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Sometimes emotional abusers hide their abuse behind the lie that they are "teaching" you to be better or "guiding" you to where you need to go. This allows the abuse to remain hidden as it grows and poisons a person from the inside out. </div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;">It's important to remember that emotional abuse is not simply put downs or criticisms. In fact emotional abuse is not simply ONE thing, but rather a cluster of many different actions combined. I've included a list of the many faces or symptoms of emotional abuse - remember that if you know someone or you yourself exhibit one or two of the following behaviors, this does not necessarily indicate emotional abuse. However the more symptoms you see, the more behaviors you can identify with and recognize in your daily life....the more likely emotional abuse may be present. </span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">CONTROL:</span></b></div>
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*They may control expenses - keeping you with next to nothing, having to ask and account for every penny you spend yet they themselves may have accounts you are not allowed to have access to and their spending can never be questioned. This control of the expenses can occur whether or not they are the financial provider or YOU are the financial provider.</div>
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* They treat you like a child or as if you are inferior to them.</div>
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* They rub your face in your mistakes and faults constantly, bringing up over and over things that happened years ago. They may even rub your face in the mistakes your parents, family and/or friends have made as if somehow you too should be punished for their errors. Their mistakes are untouchable, you are not allowed to mention them, bring them up or point them out. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #333333; font-family: Merriweather, serif; letter-spacing: 0.8px; margin-bottom: 30px; padding: 0px;">
* They may make you feel as if they are always right and you are always wrong ALL THE TIME. The words I'm sorry will only ever be uttered by you. And if you try to point out a mistake they made, or even if they hurt you somehow - they will react with anger, so much anger that little by little you begin to not point out their mistakes, you begin to think the way you are living is "normal" and they convince you that any time you are upset, it has nothing to do with their treatment of you but somehow it is always your fault you are upset.</div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"> * They may act angry for no apparent reason, giving you constant disapproving glances and/ or condescending looks and comments. If you ask them what's wrong they respond with anger that you are even thinking their is something wrong with them. You begin to walk on eggshells analyzing every move you make, trying to discern what causes them to act so disapprovingly.</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: inherit; color: #333333; font-family: Merriweather, serif; letter-spacing: 0.8px; margin-bottom: 30px; padding: 0px;">
* They may control the amount of time you spend with your family and friends, little by little you become isolated and only are able to spend time with people they "approve of". These 'people' are often people that are fooled by the abuser, thinking he/she is amazing and the abused is the one with issues.<span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.8px;">.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"><span style="font-size: large;">EMOTIONAL NEGLECT:</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span>* They refuse to take responsibility for their actions, they constantly deflect all the blame on you.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"> * They have no regard for nor interest in the way you feel. If you have a disagreement that leaves you crying and sad, they will ignore your pain AS IF IT DOESN'T EXIST.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"> * They use the "silent treatment" to punish you. Days, weeks and months can go by without them speaking to you - this is emotional torture, being treated as if you were dead, non existent.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"> * They will become deliberately emotionally distant from you for long periods of time, yet they will demand you give them 100% whenever they command it.</span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"> * They will give attention to others in public, so much attention that others view them as amazing, never noticing that they never speak to you in the same manner they speak to them, never noticing the emotional neglect they give you while pouring it out for others. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"><span style="font-size: large;">BULLYING</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"> * <span style="font-size: 15px;">They will call you names, belittle you and label you as a bad person.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"> * They will belittle your success and triumph. If there is something you excel at they will criticize it until you no longer even have the desire to engage in your passions.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"> * They will mock you if you are upset, they will impersonate you when you are expressing your feelings. They will make you feel as if your feelings are somehow wrong and bad.</span></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.8px;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"> * They may accuse you of things you never did. Better yet they will accuse you of the things THEY do (projection). The more you try to prove to them that they are the ones doing those things the more they spin you around and around in an endless debate that terminates because you are simply too exhausted and confused to continue.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.8px;"> * You may feel intimidated or scared when voicing your opinion because the NEVER agree with you and make it a point to go against anything you say or suggest.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.8px;"> * They may degrade or subtly humiliate you in front of other people and claim they were "joking" not caring that the joke is at your own expense.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 15px; letter-spacing: 0.8px;"> If you are in a relationship with an emotional predator, please take steps to protect yourself. </span></div>
deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-64229574066382768352017-10-27T07:44:00.002-07:002017-10-27T07:44:44.396-07:00Beautiful Yet Emotionally Abusive Women - Why Men Stay<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DPxBx0FQUqM/WfNCZfmEhDI/AAAAAAAABcc/_HqW9CdhlUwN7tw5IgqahGOFed-_J5oJgCLcBGAs/s1600/018.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1136" data-original-width="640" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DPxBx0FQUqM/WfNCZfmEhDI/AAAAAAAABcc/_HqW9CdhlUwN7tw5IgqahGOFed-_J5oJgCLcBGAs/s320/018.PNG" width="180" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Beautiful Yet Emotionally Abusive Women - Why Men Stay</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">While men have a reputation for putting more emphasis on the physical appearance of their significant others, and many have put up with abusive treatment longer than desired because of the beauty of their partner - there are also many OTHER REASONS why men stay in abusive relationships - and they have nothing to do with the looks of their partner. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Here is a list of potential reasons why many men stay with women that are emotionally abusive:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. DENIAL - He may dismiss the abuse by blaming it on PMS, or being over emotional. Many men ignore the fluctuations in personality because he loves her and wants the relationship to continue.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. LOVE - Many men are driven by logic as opposed to emotion, the way women are driven, and he may find enough good in the relationship to "make up" for the abuse. Men are more quick to forgive and forget and it can be easier for many to focus attention only on the good times.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. FEAR- He may stay out of fear - fear of what will happen to her if he leaves. Abusive women often threaten suicide if their partner leaves. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. HE WANTS TO SAVE HER - At times when a man realizes that his significant other is toxic - rather than throw in the towel he may want to "save" her, "help" her. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. BELIEVING ABUSE IS NORMAL - He may not know what a healthy relationship looks like, possibly due to growing up in an environment where abuse was common, and may not recognize that the relationship is unhealthy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">6. CHILDREN - There may be children involved and he feels he can be more helpful to them while living under the same roof since many men feel that going to court for custody is a losing battle and they're afraid they will never see their children again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">7. PROMISES OF REFORM; False belief in the ability to change and stop abusive behavior is a common problem for men. They want to believe that a person CAN change but they fail to see that sometimes the abusive person doesn't WANT to change.</span></div>
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deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-7932397446992084682017-10-27T07:11:00.002-07:002017-10-27T07:11:44.412-07:00Men That Have Dated A Real LIfe Harley Quinn - Histrionic Female Narcissist<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe width="320" height="266" class="YOUTUBE-iframe-video" data-thumbnail-src="https://i.ytimg.com/vi/u6gAXeD3trU/0.jpg" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/u6gAXeD3trU?feature=player_embedded" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div>
<br />deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1881552301598569364.post-14474757059024773902017-10-15T10:32:00.001-07:002017-10-15T10:32:57.030-07:00Men Suffer Emotional Abuse - In Silence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HPj1AJUxyjg/WeOYqCcql0I/AAAAAAAABb0/SrH4ts6zG347kJikaDDR2rcsOKo8K0E1ACLcBGAs/s1600/images.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="184" data-original-width="275" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HPj1AJUxyjg/WeOYqCcql0I/AAAAAAAABb0/SrH4ts6zG347kJikaDDR2rcsOKo8K0E1ACLcBGAs/s1600/images.jpg" /></a></div>
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WHEN MEN ARE VICTIMS OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE</div>
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While so much information and resources are available for women who have been victims of emotional abuse, whether from narcissistic men or any cluster b personality; men often find themselves suffering in silence.</div>
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Most men do not report or seek help for abuse for a variety of reasons:</div>
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1)<span style="background-color: white; color: #080808; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-weight: 700;">Men are socialized not to express their feelings or see themselves as victims.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #080808; font-family: Open Sans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;">Young boys are told not to cry, to suck it up, to be "a man". They are not encouraged to share their feelings. When a child grows up thinking that sharing any vulnerable emotions makes them weak - they will often feel discouraged to talk about their personal difficulties, including any abuse they may be experiencing. They may feel they will be judged and looked down upon.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #080808; font-family: Open Sans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;">2) </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #080808; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-weight: 700;">Pervading beliefs or stereotypes about men being abusers, women being victims.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #080808; font-family: Open Sans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;">Since the majority of reported abuse is done by women, and since men are physically stronger than women - most men feel that if they were to report abuse by a female - it would not be believed. </span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #080808; font-family: Open Sans, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px;">3) </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #080808; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 13px; font-weight: 700;">The abuse of men is often treated as less serious, or a “joke.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #080808; font-family: "Open Sans", sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Have you seen the elevator footage of Solange Knowles attacking Jay-Z? When women attack men it is treated like a joke.</span></div>
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4) <b>Many believe there are no resources or support available for male victims</b>. </div>
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There are few shelters that are focused on abused men, there are fewer resources available for men than there are for women - which once again makes a man think he needs to suck it up and deal with it on his own.</div>
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If this is your case - please know that emotional abuse should not be tolerated - by anyone. There are more resources available now for men than ever before. </div>
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Male victims of emotional abuse can:</div>
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<li style="box-sizing: border-box; word-break: break-word;">Call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; word-break: break-word;">Call the Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-4-A-CHILD</li>
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Male victims of emotional abuse should also:</div>
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<li style="box-sizing: border-box; word-break: break-word;">Leave the relationship, if possible</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; word-break: break-word;">Tell others about the abuse</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; word-break: break-word;">Keep evidence of abuse for possible legal actions</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; word-break: break-word;">Not retaliate</li>
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deletehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11916109571337346092noreply@blogger.com1