The stages of healing from narcissism are quite complex.
When you first stumble upon the realization that the person you are in an intimate relationship with has a disorder....and that disorder has a name, there is a brief rekindling of hope. After all, once we realize something is broken we can learn to fix it right?
And then as you learn the depth and scope of narcissistic personality disorder that hope becomes more bleak more like delusional wishing.....for people do not invest energy in fixing things they do not feel are not broken....and the narcissist in no way, shape or form thinks there is anything wrong with them in the slightest most insignificant way. To them....they radiate perfection
Realization strikes like a smack in the face. The only person who is willing to work on anything is....you, the victim. You have been pouring out your soul until you have become empty inside and the other party has no desire to do anything to fill any of your wants let alone your needs.
To live with the narcissist is to deliver you soul to someone on an insane mission to trample upon it and break it until you are no longer recognizable to others, and sure not recognizable to yourself.
For the lucky ones, we escape....we run with nothing but the shirt on our backs. Broken, confused, rejected, tormented psychologically we run and little by little piece ourselves back together.
One thing that helped me to overcome a lot of the damage done to me and my children was when I stumbled upon NLP...neruo linguistic programming... NLP's creators claim there is a connection between neurological processes (neuro-), language (linguistic) and behavioral patterns learned through experience (programming), and that these can be changed to achieve specific goals in life.
The goal in my life was to over turn the damage that had been done to me by the narcissist.
With NLP, especially dealing with submodlities, I was able to go through my traumatic memories and change the emotional intensity that they gave me.
For example.....by taking a memory...and imagining it in my mind...one example was when my ex would call me a prostitute, the memory of hearing his voice in my mind calling me that would still hurt me immensely. Submodalities taught me to change my perception, for example I would imagine him saying those awful insults, but then I would imagine him saying them in, lets say Elmo's voice. By changing the perception of the memory.....the memory no longer tormented me!!!!!
When my children would visit their father and would have to put up with his insults monologues that were so full of negativity, I told my son that since he was forced to listen to him during visitation, that it would help if he imagined his dad voice as if Elmo was the one saying those things. The results were that my son was able to lessen his anxiety when his father acted in that way!!!
NLP helped me overcome narcissistic abuse....
Here are some books for those who would like more information regarding NLP....
NLP: Maximize Your Potential- Hypnosis, Mind Control, Human Behavior and Influencing People (NLP, Mind Control, Human Behavior)
NLP: NLP Master's Handbook: The 21 Neuro Linguistic Programming & Mind Control Techniques That Will Change Your Mind And Life Forever (NLP Training, Self-Esteem, Confidence Series)
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