December 31, 2012 was my E Day....my day of escape.
After almost 15 years of being in an emotional war zone, of watching myself slowy....every so slowly change into someone I wasn't....the day had come to leave.
You see the internal changes were as gradual and unnoticeable as when a child plays innoncently in the ocean comletely unaware that the current has moved them downstream, right until that moment when they glance frantically at the sand desperate to find their family.....
That's what happens on an emotional level when you have been with a narcissist.
You are erased and changed sooo slowly it's not until you begin to take the focus
off of the narcissist long enough to try to find the you that you once were, which leads you to frantically search within to find the person that somehow seems to no longer exist.
Who possesses your body now?
Well, in my case, after years of being married to a narcissistic man I realized that my body had become his garbage pail of pathology. All of the parts that he hated about himself, he had deposited in me and they lived within me slowly deleting my true inner identity.
The narcissist had become an emotional parasite, eating away at my very being.
And as awful as it had become, due to trauma bonding, I found it difficult to leave.
I was afraid of the a world that had now become unknown to me, after living so long with having reality dictated to me by the narcissist alone. I doubted myself when I wanted to leave because after having been gaslighted for so long....I no longer trusted my perceptions.
And my biggest fear....how could I leave, start over new, survive AND care for two young children.
I was scared.
But I thank God to this day that I had the strength to leave.....with no money, no job, no place to go....I ran with my two little ones tucked under my arms.
All I knew was that I was going to survive, I was going to save them.
Little did I know that not only would I survive but I would go on to thrive....to become the woman I once was yet stronger.......and who knew I would find a man that could love me unconditionally?!?!
So I say with a warm heart......happy anniversary to me!!!!
Happy Anniversary! You did it! I have no children and much older but lost most of what I worked my entire life for. But that is okay. I got a plan together to get away and now on my own with my dog. Even though I was a business professional, I had much work to do on me. I am better and better everyday. Love your inspiring videos. Keep them coming as it helps so many that have children also who need your voice and experience to help guide thsm toward a better life.
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