Chapter
2
Tactics
of a narcissist:
When
we think about abuse, most people thing about black eyes, bruises or screaming
and cursing. Those forms of abuse are easy to recognize and therefore any
emotionally healthy person will take the steps to leave that kind of abuse fully
aware that it is toxic.
But
abuse comes in many forms, and the most difficult ones are subtle forms of
emotional abuse. But make no mistake, just because the abuse is subtle does not
mean the damage caused by it is minimal. In fact it’s quit the opposite. When
you cannot identify abuse, the abuser is able to continue breaking you slowly, little
by little…without you even suspecting a thing. Sounds ridiculous, right? From
the outside looking in, it is. But when you are in it, and so close to it, it’s
very difficult to understand what is going on, you simply feel confused all of
the time.
In
this first chapter, I would like to point out some subtle forms of abuse and
the effect of them. Most victims of narcissistic abuse, if they do reach a
point that they are going to get help whether the narcissist agrees or not…do
not realize they are in a relationship with a narcissist. Most see a therapist
due to anxiety, depression, unexplainable panic attacks. In fact, many victims go to see a therapist thinking
they are the ones that are the cause of their marital problems. Why?
One
subtle form of abuse that is very effective is called gas lighting. This is a
form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively
omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent
of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity. A narcissist
is cruel, manipulative and conniving, yet typically they are also charming and
convincing liars who consistently deny hurting you and often act hurt and then
angry when you bring their bad behavior to their attention, which is why some
who have been victimized by them may doubt their own perceptions.
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