CODE OF SILENCE
In order to have success in continual, prolonged and systematic abuse of their victims, narcissists need to establish complete control over them.
A code of silence, exhibited among the mafia and known as the code of Omerta is an excellent way to hide abuse, isolate victims and allow the narcissist to continue to receive narcissistic supply by means of his fantasy, his illusion as to who he is and what his family life is like, as others gaze in admiration upon this mirage.
It is a powerful code and it is systematically engrained into their victims.
One way the narcissist is able to have family members comply is by punishing them any time they speak up. If a family member reaches out to a friend or other family member, the narcissist reacts with narcissistic rage (behind closed doors of course.) You are insulted for talking "bad" about the "family", you are verbally abused for not going directly to the narcissist with your problems (regardless of the fact that they are causing the problems in the first place!) After the verbal abuse the narcissist finishes their punishment with the silent treatment.
You walk around in your house feeling like a ghost, or better yet a burden to the living for your mere existence is denied and woe to you if you try to point out how wrong the silent treatment is..you will then be further abused verbally until you submissively accept the silent treatment praying it will end quicker by your submission. In the end you are left defending yourself and apologizing...while the narcissists behavior is swept under the rug...they NEVER apologize, not sincerely anyway.
The Narcissistic Don expects you to only air out your issues to him, thereby allowing him the opportunity to confuse you by twisting half truths and half lies, ultimately gas lighting you to the point of sheer confusion.
It's this code of silence that allows them to slowly chip away at your soul, until you lose touch with your authentic self.
The book Perfect Pain/Perfect Shame shares this analogy of emotional abuse and the Omerta....
When you are in an abusive relationship...silence is NOT golden!!
Perfect Pain/Perfect Shame: A Journey into Radical Presence: Embracing Shame Through Integrative Mindful Exposure: A Meeting of Two Sciences of Mind
I have been married to a narcissist for 6 years and everything is worse and better all at the same time. She never let me sleep. She kept me up with hours of gaslighting and arguments sparked by triangulation. It has really been horrible. She got a job exactly a year ago because I stood up to her and told her I wanted a divorce. I stayed and she has done nothing but dump our family in every way possible. From never being home except to sleep, staying out until 230am and then coming home drunk, I caught her cheating on me, the list goes on. But thanks to her I was able to step back, get some rest, and start seeing what and how I and my girls have been living. I'm working toward my divorce now and all I want is my girls (one of which is her daughter from her first marriage that I adopted). I've been watching your videos and they've really helped me keep moving forward. If you have any advice to help me win my girls in the divorce I'd appreciate it greatly.
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