You have filed the papers....everything is in order.
The apartment is smaller than the house you left behind, but it's so cozy....and peaceful without the yelling, anger hanging in the air, depression, pain, hurtful words, tear stained pillows.
Yes, this small apartment is a tiny piece of heaven...and with your little ones slowly adapting to their change of circumstances you can't help but wonder...why didn't I do this sooner??
It's a quiet night, how nice it was to tuck the kids in, kiss them goodnight without the narcissist screaming and disrupting the evening routine as if loving your child is a crime.
Sifting through the mail, tossing aside advertisements and other junk mail, there's an envelope from family court. With trembling hands you open it and what you read
causes your heart to beat so loud you're almost certain it will wake up the neighbors above.
He wants custody?!?!?!
NOW?
The divorce has been finalized and a visitation schedule has been worked out...one that he didn't seem to care about even upholding, there were more missed visitations than exercised ones.....all until he had to pay child support.
That was too much for the narcissist....the thought that he/she would have
to pay child support, that it was demanded, who dare have the right to try to tell a narcissist what to do with money and how much to give to the person that discarded??
The above scenario is all too common. The narcissist, while desperate to convince others that they are the perfect parent...feel very little need to actually BE a good parent....the mirage, the fantasy they create is enough for them. They play their false image in their minds over and over until....they actually believe that that's how they truly are.
It's sad that a narcissist is content with others thinking they are a great parent as opposed to actually being a great parent and receiving that validation not by outsiders, but by their own kids.
The truth is they do not seek the approval of their children, nor do they care about the relationship they have....or lack of...with their kids; that is, until they are forced to do something that causes a loss for them.
The truth is they do not seek the approval of their children, nor do they care about the relationship they have....or lack of...with their kids; that is, until they are forced to do something that causes a loss for them.
Now, only a narcissist would view paying child support as a loss. I have met many amazing fathers whose family was divided and they were glad to pay child support; many told me they did it because they never wanted their child to think they abandoned them. Their paying child support
was viewed as a an expression of love, as well as regular visits, phone calls, and personal interest shown to their children. But the narcissist doesn't want to prove their love...they want to tell you they love you, give you no evidence and expect you to accept their version of reality with no questions asked.
Should a narcissist get away with not paying child support? Of course not, it's not fair, it's wrong.
Why should you do all the work while they smear your name while polishing their false image before others?
However, I do want to give this tiny warning....if you do try to get child support from a narcissist that has discarded the children...be prepared for them to retaliate with trying to get custody or more visitation in hopes of paying less child support. Are you willing to have your children spend more time with an abusive parent? Are you willing to do a face to face in family court with an expert manipulator intent on taking your children away...simply to avoid feeling forced to do something?
These are questions that deserve careful consideration!
The PDF entitled "When The Devils The Defendant" has helped many victims,
that are battling a narcissist in court, to present the strongest case possible!
You can never be too prepared: http://payhip.com/b/Kl21
These are questions that deserve careful consideration!
The PDF entitled "When The Devils The Defendant" has helped many victims,
that are battling a narcissist in court, to present the strongest case possible!
You can never be too prepared: http://payhip.com/b/Kl21
T
I survived 9 yrs with mine and the first three were perfect. Once all the kids were born his true colors became real apparent. I was always home with kids, and he was always gone. His female friends constantly posting pics of him on social media, out with them. He lied to all my friends turning them against me by being gone with the family's only vehicle for days even once two wks. I starved sometimes to give my kids the only food in the house because he left us with nothing and no way to get it. I have three kids, and they were still in diapers. I had to start potty training girls because I ran out of diapers all the time due to him never being home. He would ignore even important text and calls constantly. He finally moved out and I found about his mistress who was paying for everything and yet he still couldn't help me in the house that had been ours. I lost everything because only I could afford what had been jointly ours. I had no one to help and turn to. I finally made a call to my best friend whom he had turned against me, by only showing him the "crazy" things I did in response to his 50 other exteremely neglectful things. My best friend was hard to convince but seeing my level of distraught i think was whatwconvinced him. I ataleast had one alli t had even gotten him a very well paying job where I worked, and then he refused to take me to work with him and made me take the bus. I was the bread winner in the family and had always been, but because I paid for everything I couldn't afford a car. After I exposed him to the mistress I foolishly took him back because he had "changed". All lies. I moved with him to where his family was from to "escape" the area where we had so many problems and start over near family. The thing I didn't realize I had a whole family of narcissists waiting on me. We moved to NY from VA, and six months later he filed for divorce with his new gf. He had already poisoned his family against me not like they needed help. So I was even more alone and then I got stuck in this state because of including custody in divorce. He tried to get me to pay his debt and make me pay child support to him. I cannot express all the struggles and even sometimes physcial abuse that he even some how had police convinced I had done after I called them, that I was put through. But eventually I was free. I have my kids, a job I love, and my own place that I also love. He tries constantly now to get me back but who would do that to themselves. I lived in an internal state of hell caused by neglect and gaslighting, which he and his family did. I met friend here in NY and they were vital to my survival. When I think about how many times I just wished for a fatal car crash or anything to happen to just release me from the torture this person put me through. I cannot believe I survived. I don't know how I picked myself up everyday from the mess that my life was and continued on but the joy I feel now makes me know I made the right choice. Also he freaked when they told him ha had to pay child support delaying court proceedings the whole day. Which was expensive. I lowered the amount to $100 a month for 3 kids. It's been a yr and a half I have received 2 payments.
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